We have all been there. You are standing in the queue at the supermarket, wrestling a toddler into a trolley, or pushing a swing at the local park, when someone leans over. They smile, look at the kids, and then ask that question. It is usually harmless. People are naturally curious creatures. But when you look after children who aren’t biologically yours, a simple chat about family traits can suddenly feel a bit complicated.  

It is a tricky spot to be in. You want to be polite, but you also need to make sure the children don’t feel like specimens under a microscope. Having a few ready-made answers up your sleeve can make these moments much smoother. 

The “Lookalike” Comments

Often, it starts with observations on appearance. “Doesn’t she have your eyes?” or “He’s the spit of his dad!” It is tempting to correct them immediately, but you really don’t have to. A smile and a nod work wonders. If you are just buying milk, the cashier doesn’t need a breakdown of your family tree.

You can simply agree that, yes, he is handsome, or yes, she does have lovely curly hair. Keep it breezy. You aren’t being dishonest; you are just protecting a private moment from turning into a public announcement. Phrases like “We’re just enjoying a day out” help move the conversation along without giving anything away.

When Questions Get Direct

Then there are the bolder enquiries. Someone might ask quite bluntly, “Are they yours?” or “Do you know their real mum?” These moments can make your stomach drop, especially if the children are listening. The priority here is always the little ears flapping nearby. You want them to feel safe.

A great response is to keep the focus on the present. “I’m the lucky one looking after them today,” is a brilliant line. It shuts down the biological interrogation while affirming that the child is wanted and cared for right now. It tells the child that they belong with you, without you having to explain the legalities to a stranger on the bus.

Turning Curiosity into a Positive

Sometimes, the person asking isn’t just being nosy; they might be genuinely inspired. They see you doing something amazing and want to know more. It is a fine line to walk. You can be an advocate without sharing personal case histories.

If the moment feels right, you might mention that you foster because we always need more people to step up, whether for emergency fostering, short term fostering, or long term care. It might even encourage them to become a foster carer themselves one day. Just ensure you talk about the general experience, including the fun, the chaos, and the rewards, rather than the specific child standing next to you.

Setting Firm Boundaries

Of course, you are allowed to just say no. If a stranger pushes too hard for details about why a child is in care, it is perfectly fine to put up a wall. A phrase like, “We don’t talk about private family stuff with people we don’t know,” said with a polite smile, usually does the trick.

It teaches the children that their story is theirs alone. Handling these interactions gets easier with practice. You will develop your own scripts and one-liners that roll off the tongue. The main thing is that you and the children leave the interaction feeling happy and secure. So, take a deep breath, flash a smile, and carry on with your day.