How to speak when chatting with a stranger for the first time

For many people, interacting with unfamiliar people can be stressful and even painful. For example, you may be at a loss, nervous, not knowing what to say, and feel anxious or low self-esteem. However, for some people, interacting with people seems to be a very easy thing. Even if it is the first contact with a stranger, it can be very speculative, just like an old friend for many years.

So why is there such a difference?

Among the many factors that affect the differences between people, some are difficult to change, such as personality. We all know that extroverts are more talkative and social, and their interests are more focused on people; while introverts prefer to be alone, like a quiet and undisturbed environment, and their interests are more focused on the things themselves.

A person’s personality is more determined by innate factors. Therefore, some people are naturally better at interacting with people than others. Only in the crowd will they feel a sense of belonging and a sense of comfort. Such feelings are difficult for introverts to experience when getting along with others. On the contrary, people with an introvert personality are more at ease when they are alone.

Of course, in addition to personality factors, differences in specific communication methods also lead to differences in the state of getting along.

Psychology of People

People have a natural fear of the unknown. Therefore, when facing a stranger, our psychology will naturally enter a state of defense. Faced with such a situation, different people will react differently.

People who pay too much attention to themselves will be more cautious in their words and deeds in order to prevent making mistakes or being hurt by others. Such people will be more silent when interacting with others. People who pay more attention to others can feel the tension and anxiety of the other person, which in turn stimulates their own sense of control. When a person thinks that he has an advantage in a relationship and can influence others, he becomes more active.

Such a difference in focus causes some people to be more passive, while others are more active.

Regardless of whether it is a personality factor or a difference in focus when interacting, what affects is whether we have the willingness to interact and contact with others. Of course, there is another situation. Sometimes we want to interact with people, but we just don’t know what to talk about. What should we do in this situation?

Regarding the topic of specific exchanges, we can start in two places

One is to prepare in advance

In daily life, we can consciously observe other people, especially those who are good at interacting with people, what topics they usually talk about when they first meet with people. There are many such resources, such as our family, our friends, our bosses, and colleagues, etc. By watching their conversations, you can also learn and accumulate a lot of materials for chatting.

In addition, we can also consciously establish a topic database suitable for ourselves. For people who meet for the first time, you can generally talk about topics:

  • Current weather
  • Current affairs hotspot
  • Regional customs related to both parties
  • Favorite food
  • Their respective hobbies;
  • Some of my own experience;
  • and many more

People who have a topic library in their minds can call up relevant topics in time to avoid embarrassment when encountering cold spots.

The second is to find topics in the communication process

Every interaction between people is unique and full of uncertainties. Therefore, it is not enough to prepare in advance. Whether the communication is smooth or not, the more important thing is the ability to find topics on the spot based on the actual situation.

This requires us not to pay too much attention to ourselves. If we are always worried about whether we are rude or whether we have said something wrong, we will not have the energy to understand others and ignore a lot of information. For example, the other party’s hobbies, emotions, and so on. These are also the best topics for us to communicate deeply with others.

In addition, interaction is also very important.

It’s easy for some people to chat to death because they are used to the one-question-one-answer communication mode. When others ask a question, they answer one sentence by themselves. They neither discuss their thoughts and feelings nor ask others what they are interested in. topic of. This way of communication can easily make others think that you have no willingness and enthusiasm to communicate, and thus lose interest in continuing to talk.

Therefore, good communication and communication are not question-and-answer questions, but exchanges and sharing between you and me. Only when two people are actively interacting, the topics of communication will continue to emerge.

It should be noted here that when interacting with unfamiliar people for the first time, not all topics can be discussed. When two people lack a full understanding, talking too much about some personal privacy may make the other person feel uncomfortable and may also bring unnecessary risks to themselves.

Moreover, in the initial stage of communication, because the mentality of both parties inevitably contains some defenses and estrangements, the most urgent psychological need for both parties is whether they can establish a sense of trust. The most important thing in communication at this time is not the content of the communication, but the emotions and attitudes that a person shows during the communication, that is, the feelings that can be brought to the other party.

Therefore, when we interact with others for the first time, the most important thing is neither our chat skills nor what we say, but the sincerity and enthusiasm that we show in the communication process. This is fundamental.

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