How to become a good conversationalist – this is spoken about and written by everyone who is not lazy. Dale Carnegie in 1936 published his famous book “How to make friends and influence people.” Think about it, a great 80 years have passed since then! A lot of it is relevant now, but there are things that are objectively outdated. What really needs to be remembered now, so that communication brings only benefit and pleasant emotions?
Rule 1: Be a Good Listener
In any conversation you need to know when to shut up and listen, and when to tell something or ask an appropriate question. There are two techniques that help you learn to listen:
- Take notes
When a conversation flashes information that is difficult to remember (for example, some names, last names, phone numbers or company addresses), write them down. The interlocutor will be pleased to see that his or her speech is treated so carefully. These notes later may come in handy for you to ask something or transfer the conversation to another topic. If you are chatting online, it is much easier, because you can see the whole chat history any time. Try to turn to previous messages when communicating in chat messenger, for instance NEEO Messenger. You can chat with people from all over the world there, no matter what language do they speak!
- Hasty answers to questions are bad
Such answers, which are blurred out before the question is completely formulated or just answered, give the impression that you are not considering your words. Breathe in and out, and then answer. So, you will look more confident, and it will seem to the interlocutor that you had time to think about his or her question and weigh your words.
Rule 2: Do Not Interrupt!
People are very annoyed when their speech is interrupted by all sorts of “But I…”, “And my company…”, “I understood everything, but…”. Let the person finish their thought, and then speak for yourself. If the interlocutor speaks long enough, and you are afraid to forget what you wanted to say, use the previous advice. Make yourself a note with a reminder and the key thought of your question. Interruption turns you into a rude and ill-mannered person with whom it will be unpleasant to communicate. You should not form such an impression of yourself if you are interested in effective communication.
Rule 3: Ask questions based on the nature of the conversation
The ability to understand the essence and choose the most important of the above will allow you not to remember a lot of unnecessary information. It will allow you to keep it in your head in a concentrated form. This is very convenient, especially if for a short period of time you need to chat with several people who will talk a lot about different things.
Rule 4: Eyes – an important tool and argument of communication
A person who constantly looks away during a conversation gives the impression of a self-doubt and cunning. However, this does not mean that one needs to stare into the interlocutor’s eyes and never look away. By contrast, such visual pressure may cause not the most pleasant reaction: people will be afraid of you, begin to feel insecure and become isolated. It is best to adhere to a compromise: from time to time to look at each of those with whom you communicate and then switch your eyes to another person. If you communicate face-to-face, then a ratio of 80 to 20 would be quite appropriate: 80% of the time, of course, we look into the eyes. If it is hard to look into the eyes, look at the nose at the person and it will seem that you look into the interlocutor’s eyes.
Since the topic of communication with people is much deeper and we have not covered all the points in this article, we will definitely return to it in the future. In our deep conviction, being able to competently and fruitfully communicate with people around us is one of the most important skills in this life.